Beating the Odds

Divorce is everywhere - ever since we were little kids we were bombarded with the statistics that half of all marriages will end in divorce. Now that's a positive message to teach your children. And yet, why wouldn't you teach your children that? It's the truth.

Marriages are most susceptible to divorce within the first five years (with nearly 10% ending in divorce) and reaching even two years is a milestone nowadays (with about 1 in 12 couples separating within those first 2 years of marriage). And, if you want even more numbers: 50% of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.

Those are certainly not happy statistics, but don't feel doomed. Below is a list of factors that could help a couple lower their odds of divorce:

• Being 25 years old - Waiting until the groom is at least 25 years old (and the bride at least 23) gives the brain a chance to reach a point of intellectual maturity, also known as the "age of reason" (which develops in men at around age 25 and a few years earlier in women). Under the age of 25, most individuals aren't ready to cope with married life, may lack communication skills and life experience, have low incomes and may be getting married for the wrong reasons.
• Bride: good relationship with father - Women who have problems with their fathers may make inappropriate choices in choosing a spouse (as opposed to those who had a good relationship with their father while growing up), however, it's not all bad. Studies show that that statistic gets wiped out if the bride develops a good relatinoship with the groom's family.
• Groom: willing to share chores - If you both believe that household chores are a mutual responsibility, you're eliminating a major potential source of conflict in your marriage. Couples fight over who does what around the house almost as much as they fight over money. Many surveys and studies point out that even though many women work outside the home, they still tend to do most of the household chores.
• Couple's income at least $50,000 - Finanacial problems are the number one reason why people divorce. When the two of you are stressed over coping with overdue bills, broken dreams, different spending and saving expectations, bill collectors, and fear that you could lose everything, arguments increase and your marriage ends up very low on your priority list.
• Having a home in the works - Although owning a home may create additional financial stress on a couple, the purchase of a home is a sign of a commitment to stay together and to build your future together. Beware of taking on remodeling projects early on in your marriage though as they may strain the relationship between the two of you if you do not have the same expectations for your home remodeling project.
• Attending premarital classes - New research is showing that couples who have attended premarital classes have less hurtful conflicts and a higher sense of marital satisfaction. Couples who have attended premarital classes or counseling cut their odds of divorce by almost a third. We don't know if the classes actually change the couples, or if those couples are already realistic and savvy to the dangers which is why they were smart enough to take the class. It's a good idea to look in to these classes.

Well-off couples tend to divorce over personality conflicts while poorer couples tend to divorce over alcoholism, physical abuse and money problems. Infidelity is almost always a dealbreaker no matter what the financial standing of the couple, and more and more people are divorcing due to mis-matched sexual libidos. Religious differences, second marriages and divorced parents can also be factors to be aware of.

I'm going to talk about all of this with Andrew at some point before we get married. I'm not necessarily worried that we'll end up being one of those couples whose marriage ends up in divorce but I'm not blind enough to not be able to see that it could happen to us. And that is most certainly something I don't want to have happen to us. Nuh-uh. No sir.